Center...Heartbeat
If you are reading my blog you know my now that yesterday I did a lot of walking and I do mean a lot!
I loved every single conversation that I had yesterday. They were enriching and life giving. Every single one of them reminded me that we are not alone in our journey of faith, we are all longing to belong and be connected to someone and something greater than ourselves.
Confession: I was so frustrated because I when I left the Mount of Olives and walked back toward the Dung Gate I knew that I wanted to pass it to enter this Zion Gate but as I made the climb there wasn't anything about the way that seemed familiar. I entered the Zion Gate and began walking to the right. I knew that the Jewish quarter should be there but it isn't like entering the other gates where the city is full of life and you know exactly where to go. I walked to the right, down and around the corner but I just couldn't get my senses. I knew the Jewish Quarter should be in that direction yet I could not get my baring. It felt odd and out of place, so I got out my map, turned and walked back to the left toward the Jaffa Gate and David's Tower because I knew the way from there. I would be comfortable from that point on.
I made my way back but I had walked completely out of my way and in the heat that was pounding down upon me. It exhausted me, left me feeling a bit defeated that I could 't find my way.
The city is a maze and I should not have gotten so discouraged but I was frustrated because how in the world am I suppose to lead a group through the City if I cannot find my way? How am I suppose to show others to be confident in their journey if I keep getting lost? These were the questions that I was wrestling with late yesterday afternoon.
This morning as I walked it from the Guesthouse where I am staying I easily found my way through the city and into the Jewish Quarter and to the places I wanted to go yesterday.
I'm going to do something that I never do and that is to share my private thoughts directly from my journal....
"Yesterday I en entered the Zion Gate sure that it was where Fr. Frank had taken us to purchase oil and a few other things but when I entered I was frightened...unsure ....not clear which way I needed to turn. So I walked toward that which was familiar and while it gave me comfort, it was the really long way around. Today I have slept late and have taken my time walking through the city....finding my way from the 'inside out'...starting from the familiar home of the Austrian Hospice and walking into the core/the heart of the City toward the outer Zion Gate and of course I found my way. As I climbed the last hill out of the Jewish Quarter and felt the familiar way (the place where the group of school girls greeted a small group of pilgrims on my first trip with Fr. Frank) come upon me. I rounded the last corner to find that yesterday I was a mere few steps away from the direct route back home.
Holy One, so often I get caught up in the details. I think I know where you are leading but then it all seems so unfamiliar--I am quick to stop and return to that which is more comfortable; a way that I know."
This morning as I wrote those words it dawned on me that when I return to the heart beat of God, when I start from the center of who designed me....
who called me....
who guides me....
who sets the vision and purpose of my life.....
When I return to the center and heartbeat of God I will always find the way.
When I start from outside of God's heartbeat I forget my way. I am more easily convinced to do things that seem comfortable and more familiar. When I return to the heart beat of God, the unfamiliar isn't as scary and always leads me to the very place where God intends for me to be.
I loved every single conversation that I had yesterday. They were enriching and life giving. Every single one of them reminded me that we are not alone in our journey of faith, we are all longing to belong and be connected to someone and something greater than ourselves.
Confession: I was so frustrated because I when I left the Mount of Olives and walked back toward the Dung Gate I knew that I wanted to pass it to enter this Zion Gate but as I made the climb there wasn't anything about the way that seemed familiar. I entered the Zion Gate and began walking to the right. I knew that the Jewish quarter should be there but it isn't like entering the other gates where the city is full of life and you know exactly where to go. I walked to the right, down and around the corner but I just couldn't get my senses. I knew the Jewish Quarter should be in that direction yet I could not get my baring. It felt odd and out of place, so I got out my map, turned and walked back to the left toward the Jaffa Gate and David's Tower because I knew the way from there. I would be comfortable from that point on.
I made my way back but I had walked completely out of my way and in the heat that was pounding down upon me. It exhausted me, left me feeling a bit defeated that I could 't find my way.
The city is a maze and I should not have gotten so discouraged but I was frustrated because how in the world am I suppose to lead a group through the City if I cannot find my way? How am I suppose to show others to be confident in their journey if I keep getting lost? These were the questions that I was wrestling with late yesterday afternoon.
This morning as I walked it from the Guesthouse where I am staying I easily found my way through the city and into the Jewish Quarter and to the places I wanted to go yesterday.
I'm going to do something that I never do and that is to share my private thoughts directly from my journal....
"Yesterday I en entered the Zion Gate sure that it was where Fr. Frank had taken us to purchase oil and a few other things but when I entered I was frightened...unsure ....not clear which way I needed to turn. So I walked toward that which was familiar and while it gave me comfort, it was the really long way around. Today I have slept late and have taken my time walking through the city....finding my way from the 'inside out'...starting from the familiar home of the Austrian Hospice and walking into the core/the heart of the City toward the outer Zion Gate and of course I found my way. As I climbed the last hill out of the Jewish Quarter and felt the familiar way (the place where the group of school girls greeted a small group of pilgrims on my first trip with Fr. Frank) come upon me. I rounded the last corner to find that yesterday I was a mere few steps away from the direct route back home.
Holy One, so often I get caught up in the details. I think I know where you are leading but then it all seems so unfamiliar--I am quick to stop and return to that which is more comfortable; a way that I know."
This morning as I wrote those words it dawned on me that when I return to the heart beat of God, when I start from the center of who designed me....
who called me....
who guides me....
who sets the vision and purpose of my life.....
When I return to the center and heartbeat of God I will always find the way.
When I start from outside of God's heartbeat I forget my way. I am more easily convinced to do things that seem comfortable and more familiar. When I return to the heart beat of God, the unfamiliar isn't as scary and always leads me to the very place where God intends for me to be.
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