Divorce: Grief and New Life

I've been thinking about divorce a lot this past week.

I was a senior in high school when my parent's divorce was final.  The decision to divorce did not occur overnight, my parents did counseling, we participated in family counseling but the crack was simply too deep and wide to repair. When the official papers were finally signed there was deep grief. Grief over the loss of what we had been, the moments of goodness and laughter that had been shared, and the identity of who we were as individuals as well as a family unit.  

The first several years were fought with hard decisions and hurt feelings.  Joy was always accompanied by a lingering sadness that we were different, that not everyone was present to celebrate the ordinary accolades.  Relationships were strained as each of us experienced a wide birth of emotions that were never felt at the same time in the same way.  Our perspectives from which we told the stories of our childhood and the divorce were as varied and unique as we were individuals.  Traditions brought heartache and left us feeling empty. The season was painful as we navigated the reality of our new life.

As the years unfolded something life-giving took place.  We found our way into new relationships with one another.  

Where heartache and disappointment had been the norm, a renewed love began to sprout. 

Where frustration and blame had been shouted,  forgiveness and accountability came flowing.

Where failure took hold, peace and wholeness began to embrace the soul.

The transformation took hard work, it allowed us to find our true authentic selves but to see one another with new eyes and abiding love.

I thought I'd only experience divorce once in my life but today I find myself as a child held within another separation of my beloved denomination.  It's been long and coming, the crack is simply too wide for us to continue as one.  There have been more shouting matches and arguments than I care to think about.  Scripture has been used to both shame and blame the other. The separation is full of grief and loss.  There is a loss of relationships that once had one another's backs and were the first encourage but now seek to merely tear the other down over the human context of the Divine's arc for our lives.  There is a loss of traditions that have sustained us and kept us connected in more ways than we can fully describe.  Grief is reigning down on both sides of the aisle.  

This season is painful.  

We are all experiencing it from our unique perspective, creating our own narratives that will shape us in the future.  

As we wait for the official papers to be signed and watch as our siblings begin a new denomination, I know there is One who has not left us.  I know that in this season that is full of pain, one day we will find another way to be together.  Let us do the hard work so that one day we will find our way into a new way of being children of God. 

As all of us experience the devastation of this divorce within this United Methodist Church, may we

Let our grief and lament take shape

Let us recognize and honor the feelings of one another.

Let our siblings go in grace.

Let mercy and compassion rise forth. 

Let appreciation for all be our guide.

Let love be our response.

New life will come, new relationships are on the horizon and new traditions will grow and above all the love of God will abound.