Starting over

I was 20 with only two summers of working for nonprofit ministry on my resume.

I was hired to shepherd a group of middle and high schoolers for the summer.  Fred the lead pastor was steady and calm, loved beyond measure, and gave grace when definitely didn't deserve it. Jane taught me how to plan a youth ministry budget, gave me direction when I didn't know which way to turn, and honestly was too green to ask for assistance.  The summer turned into two years of learning about myself, understanding the fundamentals of leading, and more importantly what it meant to be a shepherd of the least, lost and lonely.

I was 23 and applied for A Christian Ministry in the National Parks with the understanding that I would work full-time in one of our beautiful National Parks while also assisting in planning worship services for guests and employees in the park.  I had no idea until I arrived that I wasn't merely assisting in the planning, but  I was actually leading a small team of people whose faith traditions spanned four extremely different denominations.  Our differences made us stronger. Dan, a member of the ACMNP board pulled me aside one day after one of the first worship services and said "I cannot wait to hear you preach in 5 years." As he gave an honest critique of my message I was laughing internally with a  voice screaming, I will not be doing this thing called preaching in 5 years.  .

I was 24 and a church sought me out. They asked me to lead their teenagers in their journey with Jesus.  I was a bit more confident in my skills and my calling. I knew when to ask for help and how to delegate the tasks that were moving targets.  Lanette was fierce.  As one of the pastors she was not afraid to do the hard thing, she studied people and their giftedness. She ensured that they were serving in places where their heart would beat a bit faster, their palms would become sweaty all because they loved what they were doing.  She breathed God's very breath of creativity reaching beyond the comforts of what most within the congregation could envision. She constantly pulled me into her office and said "always remember, read more than you think you can and stay ahead of the curve."  Stay ahead of the curve, let the breath of God not just rest upon you but carry the holiness into the waiting world.  

I was 26 when I  knelt at the altar and felt the hands of the bishop upon my head releasing me into this life of ministry with the authority to preach, share the sacraments and order the life of the church.   It's been 23 years since walked up the stairs of the chancel area, zipped my robe for the first time to begin the journey of shepherding a congregation.

As I start this 23rd year of ministry I am starting over.  I'm starting over because we are not the same.  Oh, we all still need a whole lot of grace, more love than we can fathom and abundant mercy of new beginnings poured over us but the essence of our being is not the same.  Our minds rush to and fro. Many of our toddlers and pre-schoolers have not had the opportunity to feel the love of being part of a gathered community.  Our middle schoolers looked at the small boxes on their screens wondering if they truly fit in and if they were wonderfully made.   Our graduates were sheltered in place in the spring unable to mark the ending of an era and the beginning of a new one in the fall as their classes met online.  Those who live with an abusive parent/guardian had to go into hiding, wondering if they would survive the long journey under the covers that provided a little bit of safety. Our adults who live alone, now find their sense of aloneness paralyzing and still unable to fully connect and trust being in crowds.  Our LGBTQI and BlackLivesMatter brothers and sisters continue to be beaten, hear words of hate spewed upon them, and have their lives in the balance of a higher court that deems them not as worthy.  My list goes on and on from the jobs that have been lost, the lives that have not been celebrated in death as they should have been, and finances that have plummeted.  We are not the same.

 

I am starting over because there has been loss.

I am starting over because there has been greif.

I am starting over because the gathered community is not the same.

I am starting over because we are longing for authenticity.

I am starting over because I have to.

I am starting over because I want to.

I'm starting over with learning about myself and others, reading more than I could have ever imagined, understanding how our differences make us stronger and finding new ways to stay ahead of the curve so that I might continue to carry the holiness of God into our waiting world.  How or where do you need to start over?   Will you continue to say I want things to return to normal or are you willing to start over because you are different, we are different?  Are you willing to start over because you want to and because our world needs you?