Perfectionism and prayer

I have always been involved in a community of faith.  The connection through the gathered community has been a grounding force in my life for as long as I can remember.  From a kid who loved being part of my local youth, to becoming a college student who was instrumental in developing and leading a college small group bible study gathered life has been formative in who I am and who I believe God to be.

Sandwiched in between those moments of the gathered community was the underlying message that the art and gift of prayer would lead us to a closer life to Jesus. 

Prayer would calm all of our fears.

Prayer would lead us to our future mate.

Prayer would uncover the moments of insecurity and lead us to assurance.

Prayer would heal our loved ones.

Prayer would provide that beautiful family that we so desperately desired.

Prayer would alleviate the anxiousness flowing deep within our minds and soul.

Prayer would protect our children.

Prayer would protect our children from harm.  

I deeply believe in the power of prayer and the connection that it opens for us as we draw closer to the Holy One.

I believe in the clarity prayer provides when the road seems clouded with uncertainty.

I have known the power of God's provisions pouring into me as I cried out with my whole being.

I have experienced the breath-taking mysterious presence as others stood in the gap for me when I could not find the space or the energy to speak to God.

Through the gift of prayer, I have known assurance in the places where insecurity has made its home.

As a person of faith, prayer is grounding but prayer does not ensure that life is perfect. Prayer is our willingness to sit with Jesus in our true authentic self, seeking a deeper connection to the very one that breathed life into us.  

Prayer isn't a formula.  

Prayer isn't a guarantee.  

Prayer does not mean that our children will be 'perfect' and their own decisions will always lead to goodness.

Prayer does not mean harm will not come to our children.

Prayer does not guarantee that our marriages will last.

Prayer does not mean that we or our loved ones won't struggle with mental health issues.

Prayer does not shield you or your loved ones from words of judgment and hate when your own beautiful created-ness doesn't match up with their own ideal world and how they view God's words.

Prayer does not/will not immediately take away the harm and hurt that the church has done to you or your loved one.

Prayer does not mean healing comes in the physical form that we so desperately desire.

 Prayer does not mean that our lives are beautiful and uncomplicated.

Prayer does not mean equate perfection.

This life as Believers is filled with complicated seasons, emotions, and twists and turns that we could have never fathomed.  Prayer leads us to a deeper full self as we connect with Jesus.  Prayer leads us to a broader understanding of the depth of who God is and all that God desires for us.  Prayer is our conversation to find who we are and who God has designed us to be in the current season for which we are traveling.

Are you walking a tight rope between the gift of prayer being a rich, filling experience and something that just proves that you aren't enough, leaving you more broken when the cries have gone unanswered?  You are not alone.  This life of following Jesus is complicated.  Don't let those within this community of Believers make you feel as though your life is perfection wrapped up in a specific sense of prayer.  Remember prayer is your conversation and journey with the Holy One.  Prayer is what reveals your true inner self. Prayer is your connection to the One who created you.  Prayer is a life-long connection in our own time, our own voice with the one who calls us beloved not because we are perfect but because we are moving toward God in the macro movements throughout our entire life.  

May your prayers rise like incense so that your own soul finds a deeper grounding in this mystery of faith without the pressure to be perfect.