Growth is Painful

Today was not what I expected. It has been filled with tears, frustration, and a deep sense of wondering if I have what it takes to keep moving forward.

Most days I feel fairly confident in what I do and how I move through my task but in the past several months those moments of confidence have waned as I have stepped deeper into the world of technology.  COVID has required me to jump into Zoom and learn on the fly, to be connected to a larger faith community that shares news on official updates, provides tips for making our gathering times more meaningful with a sense of ease and allows you to ask questions when you can't find the right button or YouTube video to guide you through the chaos. In the past couple of months, I have dabbled in  Facebook Rooms, Microsoft meetings, developed more in Canva than I ever cared to do, and have researched what a new church management software that would move beyond just financial but help us as staff members and volunteers do ministry with ease and efficiency while helping us stay connected through a variety of platforms would entail and began looking at what our current website might need to meet the needs of guest and regulars.  It has been daunting but I want to be someone who weaves the past into the reality of the present so that as Kingdom builders we can move forward in the mission that is now before us.

It's not just about learning Zoom (or any of the other platforms) for myself, it's about sensitivity to a leading a flock of people for whom technology is not their native language.  It's really about providing a space where disciples of Jesus can come together through a variety of social media platforms with ease to provide a variety of avenues in which all can grow in their own relationship with Jesus and be connected to a community of faith to share the reality that isolation is hard, fears are real and valid as well as creating a sacred space where celebrations and worries can be brought forth.  

I am not a graphic artist.
I am not a social media guru.
I am not a specialist in videography.

While I am not those things, 

I am one who is called to shepherd and tends to a flock of individuals.  

I am a caregiver of a smaller congregation with needs that are spiritual, physical, and emotional.

I am called to navigate a world for which I do not always know the path but know that there is One who is going before me, hemming me in from all sides, and is a beacon when I do not know where I am headed.

I am a child of the Holy One who seeks to grow and adapt in order to be the best shepherd and leader that I can be but the road to growth is painful. 

Today I have been out of my comfort zone as I have spent time improving my skills of working with 2-3 devices to screencast while zooming, connecting my Google slides to my Goodnotes app so that I can write in real-time for our Leadership Day. I spent time learning how to use 'sidecar' (it's a Mac thing) as I learned the nuances of pre-assigning breakout rooms in Zoom. I have learned how to record a screencast and embed it into an email.

It's been a long day, one that I didn't expect and I am exhausted. 

While I'm exhausted and it's only 2:30 in the afternoon I sit in awe of all the things that our Mighty God can and does teach us when we are willing to step out of our box.  Growth is painful and it doesn't happen without some failures along the way but it also creates a new pathway in which to reach people, to do the things that are important like listening, realizing that we do not have all the answers and that there is always room for improvement personally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and professionally.

Are you willing to step outside your box to learn something new?
Are you willing to be lead in a new direction to have a deeper understanding of the world around you?
Are you willing to experience a little bit of grief in order to experience new mercies each and every day?