It's really the small stupid stuff

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I'm not sure why but today has been hard.  My mind is rushing to and fro and will not settle down to concentrate on the task at hand...the sermon that has to be spoken on Sunday morning. Even as I type this short blog, my hands are flying across the keyboard at a much faster rate than they have been in the past several hours trying to capture the words that God wants me to proclaim to our congregation during this season.

It's the stupid things that have gotten me today, not sure why but the wave that comes over you when you know life is different.  It started with going into the laundry room.  For the past year or so we've had laminated sheets with directions on how to wash different loads of laundry hanging on a ring from the rack over our washer and dryer.  I put them there so that Emma would stop asking how to do the simple task and maybe just maybe it would come a bit more naturally with her and she would remember how to take care of stuff.  Before Emma left, she asked if she could take the laminated sheets down so that she would know how to do her laundry while she was away.  For over a year, every time I have lifted the washer lid I've hit the sheets but today that didn't happen and it caught my breath that Emma wouldn't be home next week.

Then a wave of sadness hit me when I heard her say to us when we were finishing visiting hours on Tuesday that she would probably only call us like once a week.  At the time that didn't seem like a big deal because we were to have a 'family meeting' with her team on Thursday (yesterday) but due to their schedule something happened and we didn't get to hear our weekly update from her team.  I'll be back there next Thursday night yet in the moment of the day it felt like forever....which is completely silly because she's been gone for more than a week at a time before where I couldn't talk to her. 

In a season where we are preaching about being invited to step into the light, see the world from and with God's perspective, and to hear the good news sometimes that is easier said than done. Transformation is hard and the road is filled with potholes trying to trip us at any moment.  I may have gotten tripped today but as I sit with a new candle that a dear friend gave me it reminds me that in the midst of it all I am not alone.  I will never be left alone and there is always going to be one that wraps me in the warmth and assurance of goodness even when the small stupid stuff tries to hold me hostage. 

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