in the dark of night

The dark of night is strange.

 If all is well within your soul, the darkness of the night seems to pass quickly as you fall into a deep slumber. It is then that you can awake refreshed and sing "it is well with my soul."  

The darkness of the night can also perpetuate a restlessness within; allowing your mind to run to and fro trying to catch that thing that eludes your and keeps running further and further away.  

I must say that for two nights a deep slumber has eluded me.  It started on the plane ride over to Israel.  I literally did not sleep the entire 10 hours we were on the plane.  Oh believe me I tried!  I took a natural supplement to help settled me down, turned on my music, closed my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep.  It did not happen.  Then last night on our first night in the country, I found myself wide awake at 3:00am.  I tried again to will myself back to sleep.  I concentrated on my breathing, took a drink of water, spent time praying over some of my friends and family, flipped open my Kindle and texted with my family as they're were finishing their Tuesday night. I could not sleep.

I laid here in the darkness of night.

Then at 5:30 this morning, I heard the familiar Muslim call to prayer.  It was as if I had been welcomed home.  I smiled and then the darkness turned to joy.  I laid in my bed with a smile on my face.  I was home.  I was in the land on my faith, my room just a few blocks away from the Church of Annunication where Mary stood at the well and heard Gabriel call to 

Mary, a young woman, from a two-bit, out of the way, that you cannot even see town has a messager from God come to her and say "Do not be afraid".  

In the still of the night, with the prayer ringing loudly and the ever so slightly glow of green lights coming from the 'light house' of the dessert for those who have lost their way I knew then why I sleep had eluded me.  I was afraid.

I have been here many times before, just last year for 10 days by myself and never before have I felt uncertain. But this pilgrimage was different.  I was definitely uncertain.

Uncertain whether or not our company had fully communicated with their sister company here in Israel and if they would be there waiting at the airport.

Uncertain whether or not I was ready for 10 miles a day of hiking in 80 degree weather.

Uncertain if those making this pilgrimage with me could physically do the pilgriamage.  

Uncertain about whether or not we would enjoy our guide (as I could not have my good friend as a guide on the Jesus Trail).

The list of uncertainties grew beyond this trip and those that I have been holding onto for far too long without realizing it.

As my list of uncertainties began to be layed upon the table, all I could hear was Amanda do not fear, do not fret for I am with you and I bring you great joy.

Today as the journey began and the terrain of the land began to unfold, I walked along a thin edge of understanidng what it looks like to walk out of fear and into a life of miracles.  

If you are afraid, if you are uncertain, if you are being asked to do something that you do not know where it is leading, may you hear 'do not be afraid' being whispered to do.