The process......

An inner calling.

A design that you cannot ignore.

An acceptance.

Telling your story in relationship to God's story

Affirmation

      Encouragement

           Doubt

                Fear

                      Disappointment

                              Calling

                                        Design

                                                Acceptance

                                                     Confidence in who we are designed to be

          

Our stories of standing before you each week as we preach and teach do not come as easy as you might think.  Our lives are not as put together as you might believe.

Our personal stories of standing before you are filled with a movements that you rarely get a chance to fully see and understand.  Before we adorn our robes, places the stoles upon our shoulders and stand in the pulpit we must discern this inner desire to serve, to share the good news that has the power to transform lives and the longing to ensure that all people are invited and welcome at the table of holy communion.  

The process is hard; questions arise. Doubt creeps in. The fear that we are not worthy, that we do not have what it takes rises to the service.  We wonder if God will provide words for us to speak week in and week out.  We wonder if our sins are simply too much to overcome and if our transformed souls can really do this work of loving others. We wonder if we are enough, if God's prevenient, justifying and sanctifying grace is really ours for the taking.  

Slowly but surely there is an acceptance of who God has designed us to be. Words of affirmations come from those of who have seen something in us we could not believe in ourselves.  Encouragement is given and we begin the path to accepting the mantel that is being placed upon our shoulders.  We stand among the saints who have gone before us.  We begin to tell our story in relationship to God's story.  We stand at the waters edge, hearing the voice of one greater than ourselves asking us if we are willing to put down our ways and pick up his ways; casting our nets in such a way that when we encounter others that they too will be embraced in a life of wholeness and goodness.  

As the journey unfolds the pressure rises, expectations increase and every part of heart, soul and mind are examined.  The examination is difficult.  It involves articulating our unique Weslyan theological perspective, preaching, writing and developing your own bible study, disclosing our financial debt, and answering important questions about our personal call into this life.  Laity and clergy listen, pray, ask hard questions and discern if we have the tools to be effective in this calling that we have worked so diligently and  long to articulate, overcome the fear of failure, stood in the fire for and finally accepted as our personal God-given design.  

The examination ends and for so many of us standing before you (me included)we find ourselves sitting across from the table hearing words that we did not expect.  Words that this isn' the time; there are still growing edges that must be smoothed out and remolding that must take place.  The words are devastating.  They are words that make you wonder where in the world the God you believed so deeply in is.  You are wounded beyond words and your soul can merely cry in silence as you seek to say God take this cup from me, let your will be done.  Fear and failure rise; unworthiness and loneliness overtakes you.  

The words are painful and devastating.  Your being is shaken.

Then just when you think the darkness is never going to give way a sliver of light and hope return.  God's people come to you and lift you up.  The words of Jesus' healing take on a new and deeper meaning.  Get off your mat, suddenly means that you have to get up and be willing to do the hard work of smoothing out the rough edges; letting go of your ego and taking up the spirit of humility, sitting at the feet of Jesus because you yourself have are empty.  You have to listen to the words of others who have walked the road before and are willing to come stop along the road and carry you to a place where your wounds can be healed.  You have to die to your own ego; your own will.  It is only when we die that we are able to stand before you as resurrected people.  In that slow and gentle resurrection we find the courage to stand before you in our robes with our stoles around our neck proclaiming the good news.  

The process is hard.........

Not just our process of discernment but for all of us along the journey of faith. When you feel the disappointment and failures of life.  Remember that Jesus stopped in Samaria to pick you up and carry you to a place where your wounds can be tended to.  When your souls are pierced  and wounded remember that Jesus was pierced and wounded so that we might experience a resurrection.  If you are wounded, have experienced failure, had your God given design questioned know that in this darkness and loneliness a resurrection and new beginning is coming for you!